This day has been super. I crashed hard yesterday in work attire and everything at 1130 and I successfully woke up at 630 this morning, took a piping hot shower, got dressed, got my crap together, and headed to the caf to have some quiet time and breakfast. I got a baby baby bowl of yogurt and granola, a boiled egg, and a biscuit with sausage, skim milk, and water. super. I had time to read my devotional which was about praying, and lately I've been questioning how to pray and if what I'm praying for is stupid or allowed-how retarded of me, but I will say, when you neglect something for so long, you doubt yourself. To say the least, I've been putting my relationship with Christ on the back burner, and life has sucked. I want quiet time in the morning to to become a habit. I went to church last night, and I was totally out of it; I didn't get anything out of it, and I have no one to blame but yours truly. I don't know what's wrong with me! I've missed tutoring since spring break- that's like 3 weeks? gross. That's not commitment to the kids, and that doesn't reflect well on me either.
I got to class, and I was so alert and awake for once!

Anyway, I found out like 10 minutes ago that Dr. Weatherby just passed away. This really breaks my heart.
he was such a wonderful professor, told such interesting stories, didn't give a crap about what anybody though. He had traveled all over the world, taught at Cambridge for Pete's sake, and has a giant metal giraffe in his backyard. My all time favorite line would be, "all you can do in the winter is drink and raise hell". you will be missed sir.

life always goes too fast. make the best of it.

firstly, what part about i have severe allergies means it's okay to spray lots of perfume in my tiny breathing quarters?

lately i just want people to know that i unconditionally care, that i will be there for them and that i'm constant in what i say. i know that seems so silly, but i want to be someone that they can truly count on for anything, cause sometimes in life, that's what we really need. To know that someone out there will really be there by your side if they say they will, they will be praying for you if they say they will, that if you have something to say that they are listening intently to what you have to say. i just want to be love.

also, trying to write that last paragraph while listening to a really upbeat praise song was really difficult.

so on monday i woke up with this random case of a sore/tickly throat, and my eyes were red and puffy. i am never sick; i drink tons of water, exercise daily, eat healthy, and get decent sleep. well since spring i lost all sleep, and every night ended at 2:30 in the morning. to say the least, my body completely shut down and this gross cold/flu is what i got stuck with. I really hate being sick because when something like going to sleep turns into something bittersweet, you know it's bad. I love sleeping when i'm sick, but when i wake up i feel like crap. my lips are chapped, tongue is dry, i cant breathe, i'm drooling, and coughing ensues. hopefully this ends sooner than later.

i'm done whining. this past week doesn't even register in my memory because it went too fast.

• i have a new geography teacher
• work was cancelled twice
• i made a 74 on my art test because i missed the last 20 pt question. i read it incorrectly. gay. i would have made a 94. 
• crying throughout my entire diabetes speech
• pledge auction
• getting tons of goodies from work!
• spending a lovely afternoon with kate
• music night at the hub
• sneak peak at vinyl club's set for fest
• bake sale
• math let out early after only 20 minutes
• a tp adventure planned for later today :)
• free tickets to see Alice in Wonderland for filling out a survey that consisted of either, "N/A or no child"
• delicious panini sammies from fams
• i'm taking watercolor with kate next year

overall it's been a pleasant week, but i just wish i wasn't as sick. i can't believe that this coming week is the last week of pledging, followed by easter break,  fest, and then banquet, and the next day is band tour and then like 1 week later is finals and then schooooooools outttttttttttttt! summertime. it's all happening too quickly and i'll no longer be a sophomore.

 life always goes too fast. make the best of it. 

running on nothing

it's spring sing week here at HPU.
that's really all that needs to be said; you understand everything that entails.

• crazy long rehearsals
• practice after the rehearsals
• VERY LITTLE SLEEP
• stress
• trying to find time to cram homework in
• pledging is still going on
• learning dances and lines
• VERY LITTLE SLEEP

to say the least, my life is chaotic and i'm running low on energy and patience all together.

so mom calls today about financial aid; last thing i even wanna think about. any time i even walk into that building i get a knot in my throat and i think i'm gonna start bawling. never fails. i hate money so much. it's the root of everything bad in my life. stress, worry, acne. life would be so much better without money.

i don't wanna think about anything right now.

yesterday joe don found out he may not even be able to make it to Rho banquet now. suck. Now i'm dateless, but more importantly, i haven't seen him since christmas, and now i'll have to wait until this summer, and that's the all time worst. i miss my best friend.

i'm ready for this week to be over. i'm ready for the summer, and to leave brownwood for a while, and to just be home. i'm not sure. i just well, i'm tired physically, mentally, spiritually. everything. sometimes i feel like i'm falling apart, and as soon as i get one part back in order the next comes loose and before i know it i'm broken.
i'll finish this later. i'm a mess, and my life is always on fast forward--no time to ever catch up.

empty day.

• so today was good but then it was kinda like whatever. i wake up at 845 to the sound of the maintenance men banging on my neighbor's door. thanks hpu. 
•  well liza looks out the window, and gasps at the amount of snow! yay! it actually snowed!!! now how perfect would it be if there were no classes??? i mean, i had 2 tests scheduled for today; one in math, and one in geog--something i wasn't too thrilled about you see. Well i check my email only to find no email waiting for me. apparently i checked it about 30 seconds too soon because liza checked hers and sho nuff there was a "school cancelled" day. so wonderful. thanks hpu. 
• i went back to bed. friend text me to play outside. i unwillingly get dressed and all bundled up only to blindly wander through the snow and the snowball fights only to never find that friend. nothing is more lonely than that. maybe i'm being a baby. you say, alisha, why don't you just join a group?! well i can't make out anyone with all the flurries in my eyes, and let me tell you, i had no desire to throw snow around, much less be hit by it. no thanks guys. i just wanted to explore, soak it all in. 
• so i proceeded to trek HPU by my lonesome. but it's so beautiful! our God is so creative! everything is enveloped in such a deep white. so serene. so pure. it's like everything was at rest.

so here i am. cold toes, breakfast trail mix in my belly, and an empty day ahead. what should i do with myself?

boring out the door!

goal for college.

let me say that since i've been in college, i might have turned into a tshirt, sweats, jeans kinda gal. what happened to my creativity and thrifting??? it must return. it's part of who i am. so i am going to try and dress creatively 2x a week.

new news

firstly a list of goals: (hey it's the new year and to be expected)

• be a healthy person. that's in every aspect. i want my relationships, my mind, my body, my spiritual walk, my intellectuality (is that a word?), etc. i want my body to run without too many kinks
• get more in the word because i want to; i don't ever want it to be become a chore
• give people more of my time
• stop worrying about what people will think when i sing. *this is a big one
• don't be so fearful of trying things. it's okay to do things you're not the best at. sometimes failure is in the cards.
• make more friends in MY grade...all my close friends are graduating after next year
• don't be so apathetic about my clarinet
• clean out some of my closet. my wardrobe needs to grow up! i can't be 17 forever!
• be even more serious about college. perfection!
• read more
• talk to joe don at least 10 min a day

secondly, check out my dad rockin the snuggie!

i have come to accept the fact that i am indeed a compulsive sniffer. i sniff before i speak, mid-sentence, every 5 seconds, here and there. i suppose it's a nervous habit. my dad and joe don fail to let it be.

i love love love the sound of ticking clocks, watches, maybe even a pocket watch. it makes me think of 101 Dalmatians when perdy is about to have her pups, or when i'm spending the night at my memaw and papaw's house because my papaw has an old fashioned alarm clock that has the piece of metal that goes back and forth between two domed pieces of metal...i know, i sound so educated :)

i am sad because today, as i greatly suspected, it was learned that i have carpal tunnel. boo hiss as my mother would say. my knitting is put on hold, sorry joe don. but blast you knitting, for you are the ultimate cause to my great misfortune! oh the sacrifices we make for art and craftsmanship!

today i received a package in the mail. that is package #2 this week :) i love mail! send me a letter, or make a magazine collage if you so please. please!
Alisha Locklear
1000 center Ave. #3609
Brownwood, Tx 76801

hey, its just an idea, maybe wishful thinking. heck, i don't even know if anyone reads this. the point is, in this package was a pair of NAVY sweatpants from joe don, the return of my bear child Robearto, and my pink squish pillow! i immediately stripped my legs of levi's and replaced them with the sweats! oh how refreshing to  be wearing "boyfriend clothing". Green Wednesday and myself now have a new sleeping buddy, Robearto. I'm sure GW and Robearto will get along famously.

My room is quite messy, and i am beginning to realize that the state of my room is usually has a direct correlation with my state of mind. quite frankly i'm frazzled with school beginning again (i will have a TON of reading this semester), the responsibility of finding a job, and one that works with the busyness of sorority business, aka PLEDGING!!  yikes.

memaw and papaw's cats are amusing at best. "snoopy", the siamese whose name has changed so many times i can't keep up, and feisty, the fat, but INCREDIBLY soft shy cat. snoopy totally cut my hand up this past weekend, and feisty served as a great object for my camera to capture. thank you los gatos!


well the final thing on my mental list is that i should be going to the gym, but the most difficult part is just making up my mind on getting to the front door. the rest is cake; it's so energizing, refreshing, rejuvenating,(maybe these all mean the same thing, so i suppose you catch my drift). well maybe when 7 or 8 rolls around i might find myself there. wish me luck.

my stomach is making motions as if it's hungry. adios

a renewal: in rambling form.

well i forgot i had this account, it's been about a year since i've written in it, and it just so happens that i have so muchhhh to say, but i don't know if i have enough patience to write right now.

some of today's happenings:

• i curled my hair and wore green (2 of my fave things)
• liz and i were adventurous while dining in the caf
• i enjoyed a lemon jawbreaker in the shower tonight
• i stepped in mud twice
• forgot to go to choir class this evening; it's a mon night class--i'll have to wait till nxt week to try again
• i realized that all of my night shirts are some shade of blue
• talked with katie on skype!
• wasted yet another 30 min of my afternoon researching my odd obsession of lady gaga
• working out is paying off
• tx gov got cancelled for wed! 
• by choice, i had a soy latte. i absolutely loved it

it has rained since friday. May i just say, i am in love with the rain, as long as i'm not directly in it. To sleep with the feet of little droplets dancing on my windows, the way it lightly flows with the wind so daintily, and how it never fails to make a muddy earth in which in never fail to miss stepping in. those things, i do enjoy. I pat myself on the back for enduring all this with an open mind, for in the end, today in fact, I felt change! It was like the rain was washing away summer, bringing us into fall. Oh the beloved breeze, the cool air that as time wears on, begins to bite my cheeks. The turning of the leaves, the whitening of my already pale skin, the chapped lips, scarves to be pulled out of the closet, and jackets to be worn. freezing nights when all i wanna do is cuddle, a bike adventure that leaves me feeling crisp and ready for yet another mile. Ah God! you are so wonderful! the seasons?? ok, awesome.

on the topic of His wonder. This past week, God has just really laid some simple truths on my heart. Truths like not judging my neighbor. Truths like simply being love. Truths like setting others above myself. Truths like God is Creator. He is Elohim. He is Yhwh. He is Lord God. He is Father. He is all powerful, imminent, yet still so intimate. That is my God. All week everything in my devotional, everything i've learned in Old Testament, everything I've sang at each church service Sunday morning, evening, at the BSM retreat--everything is linking together in such an awesome way. God is laying these simple truths upon my heart. I have found that the feeling of a stirred heart and spirit, and a renewed mind is something i have forgotten in the past year or so. Just when you think things are right in your walk, you realize how much you have lagged behind. Sin is cunning and oh so sly. I let my love of Christ become second to everything else in my life. My God is a jealous one. Who am i to let something or someone else so transient take a higher place? Who am i? My heart has been broken over and over each night. grace is a beauty.

This summer, better late than never, i learned what grace was. Just as God hardened Pharaoh's heart so that he would see that the Lord was above all else, God allows me to fall from my pedestal so that i come running back to Him. It's all in His will. Yes getting up on your high horse only to fall so far kinda sucks; to get so far down the road only to realize you're on the wrong path and must turn around is wearisome; but to find that even in such a state as that, God wants me back. He wants me to sit at His feet and learn from Him. What an awesome God. There is so much in my head, and so much on my heart. The things I have learned in the scheme of a couple of months is beyond me. It was when I was vulnerable, lost, broken, down on my knees in despair, that Christ beckoned me. He never fails. God you are so good.

Let yourself become vulnerable.