May Boredom

So I've been home at my parents house since the first weekend in May. I've been so bored out of my mind. I can't sleep at night. I wake up really late and then there is nothing to do. My room is still in shambles, and I still haven't signed up for my online Geology class...exciting. Don't worry, I have accomplished 4 things. 1) I bought another Vera Bradley hipster on huge sale 2) I have given away A LOT of my clothing 3) I finished Joe Don's surprise 50 origami hearts. They each have something I love about him written inside. *awww*  4)I've been working out a lot.

I'm mostly just ready for May to be over because that means I won't be alone every day and I'll be busy with schooling and a nannying job. I really am excited about this nannying business although I've never really had much experience at that...I figure just have a good time and make sure Mallory has a wonderful and intellectually stimulating summer. I mean, hanging out with a 5 yr. old every week day from 7:20-5:30 shouldn't be too bad, right?

Also, I'm so bad at this Maid of Honor mess. I mean, I've never even been a bridesmaid, and here I am with this huge responsibility. Oh, did I mention that I'm broke? I feel like I've done a terrible job. I don't know a blessed thing about how weddings work, I don't know what my duties are, and it really doesn't help that the bride lives about 3 hrs away from me. I haven't received much help from the other bridesmaids at all, and I'm just always at a loss even when I just think about it all...The wedding is July 9, and we haven't even settled anything for the Bachelorette party! I don't even know what one does at one of those!! ugh. Someone shoot me. Today I watched this show called something like "Always a Bridesmaid" on WEtv (it was a show about the MOH) just so that I could get a better idea of what to do. . Are we actually playing by those rules? yikes. I just want Liz to have a wonderful wedding. Just tell me what to do!!

In my spare time, which is all the time this month, all i do is surf DIY blogs. I mean ALL THE TIME. It's so exciting and really get my mind racing. I think this is a big reason why I can't sleep at night. I go to bed but my mind races with all the possibilities of what my apartment and future house could look like. It's ridiculous; all of my conversations even have to do with DIY. I'm sure my family hates it by now.

Well Joe Don is on deployment, and I'm already sick of it. Honestly, I don't even recall the day that he was shipped off. I do know that I probably get to skype with him tomorrow! If I'm correct, he'll be in Portsmouth, England. Exciting, yes. I can't wait to talk with him.

This is already boring me, and I would much rather be making something right now, so it's off to my DIY sites again ;)

the crush

so i don't really feel like writing anything right now, but i feel like i should keep up with this!

the crush, well i don't have a crush because i have a steady boyfriend of almost 2.5 yrs.this letter is for all the crushes i had before joe don.

Dear past crushes,
I can't believe i ever liked you. I was so entirely shallow, and naive. What i liked was of no substance and of juvenile reasons as well. Half of you never knew of my existence, and the other probably never knew i cared. When i look back i feel so stupid and i wonder how someone like me, one with morals and scruples,  could have fallen for something so ridiculous. I just feel like i was off my rocker; maybe i subconsciously looked for the rebellious because i was far from it and it's what my life lacked? Who knows.
All of you followed the same mold and to see the guy i ended up with makes me laugh. It's interesting to see the end product of this when you stop looking the person you think you'll end up with. My boyfriend is nothing like any of the crushes i ever fell hard for. We are opposites, met by happenstance, our friends were nothing alike, nor were our music taste. I'm an intellectual hippie, he on the other hand is a hauss/hulk follower of Christ. I think I needed all of you crushes out there to make me realize that what I thought i wanted maybe isn't the same thing that i needed or even subconsciously desired.

Day 1: my best friend

To my best friend liz, 

our friendship, as cheesy as this sounds, is something i secretly wanted from the first day at band camp. I was just thinking how cool you seemed and especially how cute you were dressed. I honestly never thought that i would meet my best friend through band, but here we are and i owe it to band tour! such good memories. 

All silliness aside, you really are a blessing in my life and your friendship to me is very very precious. I feel like you really understand me, and you're so patient too. All the things that i define in a friend you are, and more. You're so incredibly thoughtful and sincere. You are a great 'pick-me-up', so fun to be with all the time, you bring me out of my shell, and i really feel like we balance each other out. I love that our families are mirror images and that we can relate to so much, and I'm ESPECIALLY happy that i get to be part of your special wedding day! (i'm gonna cry my eyes out for certain)

i feel like there's so much more that i want to say to you, but know at least this much, you are one of those priceless friends. i don't know what i did to deserve you and i don't know what i would do without you! Liz, you are a hidden treasure, and i'm glad to have met you! I have your back whenever you need me, and lets stay best friends for a lifetime :)

looooooooooove you

life letters

so i'm doing this thing called life letters, a series in which i will write a letter to a person a day!

i'll begin tomorrow because i don't have time today :)

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

doubt reigns

i wish i knew why everyone feels this way, and why i don't see it.
am i blind?
do they just not understand?
are they just not giving it a chance?
am i too stubborn to see it any other way?
this fear of not really knowing is what makes me go crazy. it starts playing with my mind and i'll i'm left with is doubt. i hate it. i wish i knew how to confront them about how it makes me feel. mostly it just leaves a feeling of helplessness, as if i'm a little girl lost in a city, never knowing which way to turn or what move to make.
:(

A nice reminder

A few weeks ago at sunday lunch my memaw said something that keeps resounding through my thoughts. This is something so simple, yet so profound--something that I disregard but constantly need to be reminded of.

John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word WAS God."

If you are longing for a closer relationship with your father/lover/creator, there is no better way than to get into the living word of God. HE IS THE WORD.
There is wisdom in his word. There is healing in his word. There is insight in his word. There is love in his word. There is redemption in his word. There is kindness in his word. There is forgiveness in his word. There is life in his word.  There is grace in his word. There is truth in his word. God is alive and moving in his word.

Get to know Him.


John 1:14 And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

newnewnewnewnew

I am really ready for some new things in my life. I'm so dreadfully tired of how life has been lately. I've become so complacent with life as is, and to say the least it's become very hum-drum in almost every aspect. My focus in school, not that it matters now because it's summer,  my spiritual fervor, any attempts to sustain new friendships, and to maintain a workout schedule all fell flat on their face. I needed this summer more than I think I realized.

I know that in a lot of ways this summer has already turned into less than what I initially expected, but maybe that's good for me. Perhaps I need to this time to let go of any expectations and let things happen.

Here's a toast to no inhibitions? is that correct?